Many of my friends will tell you that I am always looking for the next thing. What should I do next? For the past couple of years I have back burned any of my ambitions to focus on the home life. Yes, I am a trustee at the kids school and I am involved in MOUSE (a non-profit I chaired years back) to celebrate their 10th year anniversary, am involved in a construction project which is connected to building a new home for our family and really looking forward to being involved in a profit organization again but today it hit me the amount of work it takes just being a Mom.
I have always been a worker. I have always been ambitious too. I like being intellectually challenged. Maybe that is why I have always been looking and thinking about "what's next." The last couple of years it has become a pleasure taking a hiatus from the work world. As much as I thought about the working world, I was always been hit with reality. As I have been focused more on home, it would be really tough to do what I do at home and be involved with a start-up for 60 hours a week. So, then what?
Yesterday we took Emily to Newark in the early morning to go snow boarding out West for 3 weeks and in the evening took Jessica to JFK to go on her program to live in Florence for the month of July. Then Fred and I drove out to the beach. I started to smell the fresh air and unwind.
What a year. It hit me last night as we were sitting in the back yard and enjoying the fresh air with a tequila in hand, how exhausted I am. Besides moving this year, keeping on top of everyones schedule, travel and just life in general it is more about being the "go to" person. Mom's are the fall back person for everything. How to help your kid navigate teenage life, how to navigate being on a sports team, how to bring out the best in each personality and their different interests, how to navigate school, make sure everyone has clothes on their back, have books to read and suggest books that they really should read, get personal attention and of course figure out dinner on a nightly basis. Don't forget keeping the refrigerator full or booking vacations or just making sure everything is running smoothly. It is a true full time job.
Somehow it just seems like something I just do vs. something I am working at. I guess it is something I work hard at just doing. Life was a breeze when the kids were young. Bigger kids, bigger problems is how the saying goes. I think it is just bigger kids bigger issues. Helping teens become independent young adults and eventually independent adults is not an easy feat. Every day is a lesson learned. Lots of communication. Learning by trial and error. Most important is keeping a very long leash so that the kids feel a comfort zone and a sense of security but at the same time feel free to spread their wings and test the waters. That frankly is exhausting.
I am looking forward to a little rest and relaxation by myself to just clear my head and take the load off my shoulders until everyone comes home and we start up again.