A life of dieting

Dieting has truly been the bane of my existence for my entire life.  I think about it when I wake up and when I go to sleep.  Doesn’t mean I stick to the rules that I have set that particular day, it just means I think about it.  So reading Born Round, The Secret History of a Full-Time Eater by Frank Bruni not only hit home there were times where I laughed out loud.  A wonderful read about his life, his family and his journey through ups and downs of weight loss. 

Bruni, although he has gone through his ups and downs of weight loss, there was only one time when he truly got heavy.  Always having that extra 10 pounds on your frame sometimes 15 sometimes 20 or sometimes just 5 sits in your head, always.  I know.  No matter how thin you get, or what kind of shape you get yourself into, you will always have a fat personality.  At least that’s what I call it.

 My first recollection of dieting was when I was about 8 years old.  I remember sitting around the kitchen table, we went home for lunch at school, and I believe my 2 siblings had friends over too, I am the oldest, so maybe that didn’t happen.  Regardless, everyone was served a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch except me.  I was given a turkey cheese roll with a toothpick through it.  Even then my Mom knew that bread was bad.  I burst into tears.  My Mom said she’d give me a pb and j sandwich too but I protested because “I am fat”. 

 I was always just a little plump, hey, I like food.  I clearly remember those four awful words, you don’t need that.  I have tried so hard not to say those words to my kids about their eating habits but it is hard.  Not easy with the fat head baggage I carry around.  Problem with the fat head is when you do get down to your weight, you feel so good that you treat yourself by eating.  Crazy, right?

In my early teens, I’d cry in the dressing room getting new clothes for school.  What I wanted to wear looked awful on me.  I wanted to be tall and thin but alas, I was short and stocky with a little belly.  I tried all the diets too.  Went to Weight Watchers with my Dad, once bought the powder diet which made me gag, fasted during the day and then of course pigged out at dinner, etc, tried Atkins too.  I’ve done them all.

 Of course in college, I gained the freshman 15.  Somehow I always managed to get a grip on myself when I got too heavy. 

During my pregnancies, I put quite a bit on.  With Jessica I gained 30 lbs, Emily 45 and Josh a whopping 60.  After Jessica, I did Diet Center.  Fred called it the thousand dollar a pound diet.  I got really thin and it felt great.  The one thing I kept in the back of my mind was I never wanted to replace my wardrobe so it was essential to get back to where I was so I could fit back in my jeans.  The weight continued to creep up after every kid but after Josh I did something I really never did before, I exercised.

 Just because you exercise doesn’t mean you don’t get fat.  You just get thicker.  About 7 years ago, we went to Jazzfest and I came back and got on the scaled and freaked.  I did this diet called the Fat Flush and lost 15 lbs.  I stuck with the program for three months, as in no alcohol.  The whole family had had enough at that point and so I stopped and kept a watch over myself by weighing in daily.  Truth is, I have never got up to that high again. 

 Reading Bruni’s book reminded me of all the diets and all the highs and lows.  I could write a book myself but I here I have just written a few highlights. 

I exercise to eat, I only eat good food, I don’t nosh, I shun pasta, pizza, bread, rice and potatoes ( except on occasion ), I do dessert only on special occasions and I attempt portion control at all times.  It appears that Bruni came to the same conclusion as he got older too and had to eat for a living.  Of course, we all fall back on old habits, and eat ourselves silly on Sunday because Monday is the beginning of the week and new diet but I figure, you do only go around once and it might as well be tasty.