Gotham Gal: Question of the week, #5

You say your husband is your best friend. What is the key to a successful relationship and what advice do you give your daughters?

This question caught my eye. Every relationship is different and what worked for us doesn't necessarily work for everybody. Fred and I have been together for 32 years. That is a long time.

There are a few key things. We have always had the same goals. Recently when we moved back to our apartment after the flood I was going through a few books that I have made Fred in college. We were both driven in the same way even back then. We wanted to take over the world. Kind of funny reading something today that I wrote at 19 so many years later. We also enjoyed the same things. We love to ski, we love to travel, we love staying on top of the music scene and we love concrete. We have both willingly given up control of certain things and are happy to have the other one steer the ship in those areas yet we make sure that we keep each other up to date on the direction we are going. We agree on how to raise our children. All these things have made the road pretty easy.

There is one thing that I really do believe has been key is our mutual respect for each others abilities. I stayed home a few different times with the kids and that was a group decision but Fred always knew that if I wanted to, I could play at his level. That is probably one of the keys to our partnership. He saw me as his equal on every level.

So what would my advice be to my daughters? Find someone who challenges you intellectually and has complete respect for everything you bring to the party. Be with someone who enjoys the same kind of things you like. Find a real partner not a micro-manager. Make sure he doesn't mind doing laundry, changing diapers and washing the dishes. Relationships take work but it shouldn't be that hard. If it takes that much effort then it might not be the right one. Your partner should be your best friend.

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books of the moment

Peggy Riley: Amity & Sorrow: A Novel
A mother drives for days with her daughters and ends up in a random Oklahoma town after crashing the car. They come from a polygamous community where there were 50 wives. The mother had grown up knowing life outside that community. Over time, after leaving, she almost becomes deprogrammed. The realization of what she did to her daughters who no nothing outside the world they came from including how to read. Then there is the family that brought them in. It is a fascinating story. Well written. Worthy read.
Charles Graeber: The Good Nurse: A True Story of Medicine, Madness, and Murder
An amazing true story of a male nurse who was arrested in 2002. I actually remember the story as I followed it in the papers. This nurse was a serial killer who had probably murdered over 400 patients that were under his care. A seriously well researched book. Great read.
Meg Wolitzer: The Interestings: A Novel
Wolitzer writes about a group of camp friends who all come from different walks of life (some on scholarship) as their friendships continue through their mid-50s. At the beginning the story seems trite but as you continue to read there is a lot of be said. The story is sticking with me. She makes the case that everything that happens to you from your childhood makes an impact on who you become or don't become. Worthy read.
Elizabeth Strout: The Burgess Boys: A Novel
Strouts last book won a Pulitzer. She focuses on family issues. I enjoyed this book much more than Olive Ketteredge which I found utterly depressing. This book follows two brothers and a sister who live in the shadow of their fathers accidental death. Like most siblings, all have turned out very different yet they are connected. I did not love any of the characters, like her last book, yet as The Burgess Boys moves forward and memories are revealed, it is an interesting perspective on human character.
Tamara Shopsin: Mumbai New York Scranton: A Memoir
Great book. A witty spare inventive personal diary of Tamara journey from Indian to New York to Scranton. Really really enjoyed the book.
Michael Lavigne: The Wanting: A Novel
An incredible book that tells the human side of the many layered issues in the Middle East. From immigrating to Israel from Moscow, to being a victim of a suicide bomber yet surviving, to being pulled into an Israeli radical group. Each character is connected. Very layered well written book. Powerful
Alessandro Piol: Tech and the City: The Making of New York's Startup Community
A history of the Internet that I lived through. Great job of recording what happened.
Amity Gaige: Schroder: A Novel
Not sure how much I loved this book. A father loses his child in divorce and decides to kidnap his own daughter. He is not a stable person but he obviously loves his daughter. His own childhood has made him a disconnected human being. An interesting journey but not sure I'd recommend.
Ernest Hemingway: The Old Man and the Sea
Classic.
Janice Steinberg: The Tin Horse: A Novel
a good novel that not only tells the tale of another dysfunctional jewish family in the early 30's but interweaves pieces of los angeles history throughout the book.