Gotham Gal

Being Jewish

Image via Wikipedia

This is the time of the year that Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur fall on.  For many reform Jews, who are past the bar and bat mitzvah stage for their children, like myself, it is the one time of the year that I reflect on being Jewish. 

As we all wish each other Shana Tova, Happy New Year in Hebrew, each friend of ours celebrate the holidays differently and each of their own Jewish history gives each individual a different connection to being Jewish. 

A few things happened this year that changed my direction and thoughts on being Jewish.  Emily is writing a paper and asked me “why did you raise us Jewish”?  A good question considering Fred was raised a Catholic. 

I was raised in a reform household with two Jewish parents.  My Mothers father was a big part of the Jewish community in Bakersfield helping Jews get out of Europe during WWII.  My father’s Mother got out of Europe just as Hitler came into power.  Being Jewish was definitely part of who they were.  Both of my parents were involved in starting two temples that have gone on to be the two largest reform temples in the country.  We certainly celebrated every individual holiday with the temple and at home with traditional meals.  Perhaps it was the destruction of their marriage, perhaps it was that they just didn’t give a shit or perhaps they just weren’t those kind of parents but they really didn’t care if we went to Sunday school or dropped out of Hebrew school or had any interest in becoming a Bar/Bat mitzvah and so none of us went for the marathon of getting there.  Why would we when the option was to opt out?  Once my parents got divorced and it was not pretty as it took place right there in front of everyone’s eyes at the temple, my Mom moved us to another synagogue for services.  At the first service we went to she deemed the rabbi as someone who thought he was god on the bema and we never returned.  Personally I breathed a sigh of relief.

Fred on the other hand went to church every Sunday growing up.  His mother is a religious woman and his father had zero interest in religion.  Fred continued going to Sunday services in college but he found the intellectual part of the Jewish religion interesting and was happy to support me in my desire to raise our kids Jewish.

Even though my families dysfunctional connections to being Jewish were part of my childhood, I still felt that connection.  I wanted our kids to know what it meant to be a Jew.  Fred and I took them to services; Fred learned the prayers and the kids all became a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.  They are Jews.  Although both Emily and Jessica didn’t go to services this year, Jessica made the traditional brisket and honey cake for 18 people in Capetown where she is studying abroad.  Seeing that picture of her with the brisket totally cooked in the pot and her beautifully set dining room table really made me proud.  Emily picked up a challah, some apples and honey.  Josh went to services with Fred and me and to our friends for dinner afterward.

This year our temple embraced not one but two new rabbis.  When I do go to temple those few times a year I want to feel part of the global Jewish community.  I want to hear a sermon that pushes me to think, that is intellectually stimulating and makes me feel good about going to temple.  When you go to school and have an amazing professor the desire to learn is a game changer and I want that those few times a year I go to services.  This year, I didn’t get it.  I felt like I was a teenager again just yearning for the service to end.  Fred felt the exact same way and it is the sermon we both look forward to.

This year I am on the look for something new.  I want to continue feeling that connection to being Jewish.  Our kids will figure out what that is for them as they grow and one day has families of their own.  I wrote about the Passover sedar we had this past year when we went to our friend’s house and discussed the meaning of Passover in connection to a much bigger picture and it was amazing.  I want to have that happen at other Jewish holidays.  The sedar at our friends house set the wheels in motion to look for another direction that it is time for me to take on being Jewish.  I don’t want to lose that connection and I don’t want to feel like going to temple is a chore, at least not at this stage of the game. 

L'Shana Tova

Today marks the Jewish New Year.  La Shana Tova means for a good year.  Certainly sitting in shul is not an entertaining activity but for some very odd reason as I get older I actually enjoy the experience.  It is comforting and familiar.  A ritual.  My kids want to kill themselves but I felt the exact same way at their age. 

Our incredibly liberal temple is always entertaining and for some reason today reached new heights.  We arrived late and grabbed a few seats in the back.  Our friend, who blows the shofar every year and is one of the founders of the temple, asked me if I had a blackberry she could borrow.  I gave her mine.  It turned out that she was having a moment where she wasn't quite sure that she remembered the order of sounds.  A total senior moment and I loved that she ran to the back of the temple to check on line.  Loved the whole exchange.

Then the entire congregation listened to a recording of Leonard Cohen singing Tower of Song.  Our rabbi discussed the importance of community.  Different communities that exist, how it isn't always easy to bring something to the community and what exactly do you bring to it.  He felt that the song represented how Cohen who was raised in a orthodox community in Montreal was part of the Tower of Song community.  He had to pay his rent yet still figure out how to be part of the experience.  Conversation was abundant and mostly challenging but certainly made for an interesting service.  Ending this part of the service with the cantor singing Leonard Cohen's song Hallelujah was classic. 

We had lunch with four other couples who we know from other communities including the temple.  All and all it was a very communal day.  So to everyone, L'Shana Tova!

TOWER OF SONG

Well my friends are gone and my hair is gray
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on
I'm just paying my rent every day in the tower of song

I said to Hank Williams, "How lonely does it get?"
Hank Williams hasn't answered yet
But I hear him coughing all night long
Oh, a hundred floors above me in the tower of song

I was born like this, I had no choice
I was born with the gift of a golden voice
And twenty-seven angels from the great beyond
They tied me to this table right here in the tower of song

So you can stick your little pins in that voodoo doll
I'm very sorry, baby, doesn't look like me at all
I'm standing by the window where the light is strong
Ah they don't let a woman kill you not in the tower of song

Now you can say that I've grown bitter but of this you may be sure
The rich have got their channels in the bedrooms of the poor
And there's a mighty judgment coming, but I may be wrong
You see, you hear these funny voices in the tower of song

I see you standing on the other side
I don't know how the river got so wide
I loved you baby, way back when
And all the bridges are burning that we might have crossed
But I feel so close to everything that we lost
We'll never, we'll never have to lose it again

Now I bid you farewell, I don't know when I'll be back
They're moving us tomorrow to that tower down the track
But you'll be hearing from me baby, long after I'm gone
I'll be speaking to you sweetly from a window in the tower of song

Yeah, my friends are gone and my head is gray
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on
I'm just paying my rent every day in the tower of son

Owning your own holiday

Everyone has certain family traditions.  You grow up and generally continue them but sometimes you do everything not to follow those footsteps.

I grew up in a reform Jewish household.  There was certainly a connection to Judaism on some level.  My parents were involved with starting 2 temples which are now the 2 largest reform congregations in the country.  You would have thought we were big Jews but we weren't. 

 I could probably list a million reasons of the reality of how I found myself disconnected from being Jewish growing up but I will save that for therapy .  Neither me nor my siblings were bar/bat mitzvah'd.  Yet when we had children, I wanted to give them a connection to Judaism.  For whatever reason, I felt it was important.  Not sure what kind of job I did there but my guess is, time will tell.  In the post-bar/bat mitzvah life, they have zero interest but I am hoping sometime around their mid-20's something will hit. 

All our kids went to Hebrew school from the time they were 8 until they got bar/bat mitzvah'd.  My brother, funny enough, is doing the same thing with his kids.  We are Jewish and perhaps passing on our heritage gives us an ability to connect to our religion in a different way as adults.

On Sunday night, we went to our friends house to celebrate Hanukkah.  This is a guy who was raised orthodox.  The room was a mix of reform, conservative and orthodox Jews (growing up) but we are all friends and my friend wanted to embrace the holiday and make it his own.

It was a wonderful evening.  Latkes, brisket and jelly donuts on the menu.  Food is always, no matter how religious you are, a major part of every Jewish event.  So, we ate, we drank and lit the candles.

One friend, who is a singer, sang "Light my Fire" by Jim Morrison. My friend, who lit the candles, sang a song that his grandfather taught him for Hanukkah.  After all of this, spoke to us and Amichai Lau-Lavie basically deconstructed the holiday.  There was conversation around his whole schtick.  He is an Israeli born teacher of Storahtelling.  He was really fantastic, thought provoking and funny at the same time. 

It was such a nice evening on so many levels.  It allowed everyone there to continue their personal connection to Judaism be it their desire to continue in their family traditions or shift from being orthodox to becoming a little more reformed.  But what was really nice, it let this group of friends connect at a different level because the one constant is that we are all Jewish.  We all owned it in our own way as a group without any family and some serious killer jelly donuts.

House of Awe

I am late to the party because I was out of town this past week (as yesterday was the last day ) but the House of Awe & Repentance Cafe will hopefully be an annual event. 

The Days of Awe, is the time period between Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year ) and Yom Kippur (The Day of Atonement).  It is a time to observe and prepare from the beginning of the year for 10 days until the day of atonement which is a time to reflect and think about the promise of moving forward. 

The House of Awe and the Repentance Cafe took over an empty space on 8th street, during this time, for people to come in and engage in an interactive environment.  There was a variety of artistic installations.  Also, Rabbi Dan, was on hand to have conversations with people coming in an out. 

This picture is of a ventricle type structure that has a video inside of an artist acknowledging things she might have done.  Very clever. 

What I liked most of all is that the leaders of our temple are really thinking out of the box on how to engage community members and possible new members.  They are trying to keep connected to observances that probably the majority of Jews presently do not engage in but have in the past and try to engage with the realities of practicing Jews in the 21st century. 

Sukkot

As a kid, I wasn't a big fan of any of the synagogue activities that my parents schlepped me to.  I hated Hebrew school, didn't particularly love services ( what kids does ), and really wasn't too fond of the community. 

Funny enough, fast forward to having my own kids, we will soon have 3 kids that will have been bar/bat mitzvahed ( I wasn't nor were any of my siblings ) and we are actually part of a synagogue where I like the community and have met a group of people that I enjoy and a variety of our friends from other parts of our life belong too.  Granted the kids aren't exactly embracing the whole thing but have no choice but we do talk about the connection they have with other Jews.  On the other hand, Fred grew up a Catholic and has embraced my desire to raise our kids Jews and the whole agenda.  We laugh sometimes that he might be the biggest Jew among us more in the stereotypical way than the religious sense. 

On Friday evening, Josh needed to participate in the evening as part of his community efforts towards his bar mitzvah this coming spring.  We went and he helped set up the Sukkot.  When I was a kid, I always loved the whole concept of Sukkot.  Building a structure as a group and then decorating the Sukkot.  Maybe it was the decorating part I liked - ha!  I think it was the fact that there really wasn't a service but just an activity.  It was a nice thing and it was a nice thing this past Friday night too.

Our temple, The New Shul,  just had their 10th anniversary.  They are hoping to grow the community and put out a very clever marketing piece that I got a good chuckle out of so I am going to share it today.

Top Ten Reasons I'll Never Ever Ever Join a Synagogue....

1.  I don't want to be a member of a synagogue, I just want it to be there when I need it. 

The New Shul is a grassroots community ( with lots of ant-institutional, non-joiner types!).  Without your membership support, we simply won't be here.

2.  I don't like services.

The New Shul is about lots more than services!  Our calendar is packed with many different kinds of events, programs, classes and spiritual experiences.  We're also exploring ways to redefine 'services."

3.  I hated Hebrew School.

Many of us were also turned off by Hebrew School.  That's why we created Rishonim for our kids.  Kids actually like it!  Come for a visit and you'll see why.

4.  I don't believe in God.

At the New Shul we're constantly questioning, grappling, doubting and exploring.  That's what keeps it interesting.

5.  I only go once a year anyway.

Once you become a member, you might be surprised to find that you come more often.

6. My wife/husband/partner isn't Jewish.

The New Shul welcomes everyone.  We're proud of the diversity within our membership - interfaith, single, gay, couples, straight families, reform, conservative, orthodox, reconstructionists, atheists...

7.  I don't like organized religion.

We're not that organized.

8.  I don't want my level of observance/non-observance to be judged by others.

We're not your parents' shul.  We don't follow any particular party line- we draw form many sources of Jewish tradition and create some pretty compelling ones of our own.

9. I'm spiritual but not religion...actually I'm culturally Jewish, but not into ritual...actually, i'm just not sure what being a Jew means in the 21st  century...

You'll feel right at home.

10.  I'm just not interested.

Are you so sure?  You're reading this, aren't you?

So, for any people who read this blog in Manhattan who are looking for something different.  Check it out.